Thousands of women shared their stories of abortion on social media last month, compelled to talk about their own experiences in a bid to end the stigma and misinformation that still surrounds the procedure. Even in countries where abortion has been legal for decades, it often remains a controversial subject with those against the procedure giving political, moral, social, ethical and religious reasons.
Abortion activists Amelia Bonow, Lindy West and Kimberly Morrison in the US started the #ShoutYourAbortion campaign on Twitter last month, partly in response to threats from conservative Republican hardliners to de-fund Planned Parenthood – a nonprofit taxpayer-funded health service providing reproductive care – and partly due to West’s acknowledgment that although she had had an abortion she rarely ever talked about it.
“The fact that even progressive, outspoken, pro-choice feminists feel the pressure to keep our abortions under wraps – to speak about them only in corners, in murmurs, in private with our closest confidantes – means that opponents of abortion get to define it however suits them best. The truth is that life is unfathomably complex, people with uteruses own their bodies unconditionally, and every abortion story is as unique as the person who lives it. Some are traumatic, some are even regretted, but plenty are like mine,” West wrote in the Guardian.
To show how important free-access abortions are, West, Bonow and Morrison asked women to share their positive stories of the procedure. Women from countries around the world responded causing the hashtag to trend on Twitter in Australia, UK, US, as well as in Ireland where abortions are still illegal.
Here eight women talk about their abortion and explain, using their own experiences, why it’s important that it’s a free-access medical procedure and an individual choice for all women around the world.
“I don’t regret my choice. I’m thankful I had a choice” Leah, 29, London
When I told the guy who got me pregnant the colour drained from his face: “It’s going to ruin my life if you keep the baby” he told me. Although I knew I wanted an abortion, his selfishness astounded me because he didn’t know my decision yet.
It wasn’t a hard choice, I think I’d always known I would do this. When I missed my period I went to the GP straight away. As soon as the test came up positive I asked her to refer me to the hospital. I struggled a lot with sickness and fatigue leading up to the abortion. The hospital recommended, as they do to all who have a termination, that I seek counselling: I didn’t.
I had a medically induced abortion. I went to the hospital two days apart. The first visit was to have an ultrasound and take the first pill. Two days later I returned to stay for the day. Some hospitals I’ve heard give you the second pill and send you home. Maybe because this hospital had only opened their clinic the previous year, they were more cautious. Women had to stay on the ward until they had completed the abortion. Whenever I went to the toilet I was given a cardboard basin to use, so nurses could check the contents and tell me if or when I’d passed the foetus, which I did about 3 three hours later. It was less physically traumatic than I’d assumed it would be. It was like a heavy period, all at once.
After I had passed my womb contents, I was given a cupful of antibiotics and told to wait in the lounge for my ride home. I was told that it was not permitted to use public transport after the procedure, even though there was no anaesthetic involved. I had no money and the guy who got me pregnant only gave me enough for the train to the hospital so I’d had to ask an ex-boyfriend to pick me up. I didn’t tell him why.
I didn’t get any support really. I didn’t want it known that I was going to have an abortion. I think I was more ashamed of being pregnant than I was of deciding to have the abortion. I didn’t reach out to friends as much as I wish I had now.
I was surprised by how sad I felt in the immediate aftermath. I did see my foetus as I felt I owed it to myself to confront the result of my actions. I felt sad not because I’d had the abortion but because it shouldn’t have happened in the first place. I know I did the right thing for both of us. I don’t regret my choice. I’m thankful I had a choice.
“I felt sure in my decision and still do, but I know now that I suffered emotional and psychological consequences that it took me some time to process and understand” Solo, 37, Scotland
I felt sure in my decision and still do, but I know now that I suffered emotional and psychological consequences that it took me some time to process and understand. I believe this was due to a number of factors, including the unsupportive relationship I was in at the time and a stigma in talking openly about my decision generally.
Although my partner and I had been using condoms, one split and the morning after pill was ineffective that time. I learned later that this was probably because I was at the most fertile point in my cycle. I attended an NHS family planning centre for confirmation of the pregnancy and referral for an abortion. I attended alone as my partner at the time wouldn’t accompany me and I wasn’t ready to tell friends. The nurse at the centre was matter of fact, but sympathetic.
As my pregnancy was at a very early stage, I opted for a medical abortion rather than surgical as under NHS procedures. A surgical abortion would have meant a further delay of a few weeks. In retrospect, I would have opted for a surgical abortion. The medical abortion entailed two visits to the hospital. The first was for a scan to again confirm the pregnancy, followed by me taking a pill to begin the process. I then went home with an appointment to return two days later to take a second pill which would cause the womb lining to come away and the abortion to complete. This was to be done under supervision of ward nurses and I had to remain on the ward until they were satisfied the process had worked. I found this part of the process quite upsetting for a number of reasons. Physically, although the process was uncomfortable and painful, it was manageable pain. However, I believe that the ward I was on included some women who had miscarried or had other gynaecology issues which made me extremely uncomfortable. I remember essentially feeling that they knew I was aborting and would despise me.
Two weeks later, at a family party, I began bleeding heavily and had to ask my friend’s boyfriend to take me to accident and emergency where they confirmed that some tissue remained in my womb and I would need to be booked in for a dilation and curettage. This took place under general anaesthetic a few days later.
I was lucky to have close friends who were supportive and non-judgemental, but I still felt my abortion was a secret that only a few close friends could be told about. Although I am extremely close to my family I did not tell any family members until years later, and then only one. It was over a decade ago, but as I remember, the practical and psychological support offered didn’t extend far beyond the provision of some leaflets on what to expect during and after the procedure.
I still think about my abortion, although I still believe it was completely the right decision. I have told friends I have made since it happened and they have been sympathetic, although I still feel that it is something I can not very openly discuss. This is probably even truer now at a time when people in my circle have suffered miscarriages or fertility problems.
I simply wasn’t ready to have a child and unsure if I even wanted one, and still am now. While I at times imagined what it might be like if I decided to go through with the pregnancy, I feel keenly that it would have been the wrong decision.
“There were anti-abortion protesters outside the clinic, and I remember feeling incredibly angry that this group of men were trying to terrorise young women” Georgia, 28, London
Both occasions occurred in a very emotionally abusive relationship I was in from the age of 18 until I was 25. I was 21 when I had the first abortion and we both decided that my priority was for me to finish my studies. We felt too young, and he certainly didn’t have the maturity to cope with parenthood. There were anti-abortion protesters outside the clinic, and I remember feeling incredibly angry that this group of men were trying to terrorise young women – some of the women looked barely even 14 – in the name of their god. The procedure was fairly painless, and I recovered quickly physically, although I felt very sad about it for a long time.
The second was more complicated. My boyfriend at the time actually stopped me taking the morning after pill after a contraceptive failure. He said we should have a baby. By this time I’d realised that our relationship was toxic so I snuck out and bought one although it didn’t work.
When faced with the decision for a second time, this time aged 23, I was very conflicted. On the one hand I didn’t doubt my ability to cope, and I really wanted children. On the other, my partner was proving himself to be a manipulative and cruel individual. I didn’t relish the thought of being tied to him for life, or exposing any child of mine to him.
When a nurse called to run through a pre-appointment screening, and I mentioned I had taken the morning after pill she told me there was a high likelihood of the baby being born with severe disabilities. I was completely shocked and devastated, and realised that I didn’t have the resources to cope with that additional strain as a single parent. I went ahead with the procedure. I’ve later found out there was absolutely no evidence for what she said, and that makes me very angry.
For the first I had pre-abortion counselling, which was basically a woman telling me I was making the wrong decision. For the second I had a pre-appointment phone conversation where I received awful medical advice. Close family and friends were the best support.
Both terminations left me feeling incredibly guilty and conflicted for a long time. When my relationship with my ex-boyfriend finally ended, and I found myself alone and autonomous for the first time in my adulthood, I had a nervous breakdown. When in hospital I discussed my terminations a lot. I came to realise that there’s no such thing as the right thing, just whatever happened and how you deal with that. If I had had two children by my ex, I dread to think what my life could be like.
I am now a mum of two beautiful girls by a kind and caring man who is the opposite of my ex, and I enjoy motherhood immensely. I think about what could have been sometimes, and I mark the dates of the procedures quietly and privately each year.
“There needs to be more support for women that have abortions” Anonymous, 30, London
I had an abortion when I was living abroad. I was about to turn 19 and I was in the second year of university and I was with a boyfriend I didn’t particularly care for. My mum was a conservative Christian so although I didn’t really want to have an abortion I felt I had no choice. I also didn’t have any money to raise a child and I wanted to love the father of my child.
My boyfriend’s dad paid for the procedure and I saw a psychologist in the clinic briefly just before the abortion. It was in a private clinic in a posh neighbourhood. I was led into a cubicle and told to put on a gown. The nurse heard me crying and and reassured me that it was my choice and that I didn’t have to go through with it. I told her I knew that and said I was sure. There was another girl in the next cubicle and she said to me that it was ok, that it was her second abortion, and it was fine. She told me it didn’t hurt. I heard her talking on the phone and telling someone that it was done as if it had just been a manicure.
I was led into the theatre and I put my legs up in stirrups. The worst part was the injection they put on my cervix and then the doctor started aspirating. It felt like a really really bad period coming on suddenly. There was a nurse next to me holding my hand and when they were about half way through she said “we’re at the equator” and I was in so much pain I started hallucinating and imagining giant turtles swimming around in the sea in the Galapagos.
I heard the doctor make a comment saying that the foetus was much smaller than it should have been as they miscalculated my last period. I was really curious and tried to sit up to have a look, but thankfully the nurse pushed me back down onto the bed. I think if I had seen it I probably wouldn’t have ever lived it down. When it was finished they gave me a huge sanitary towel and told me to lie down in the cubicle. I was in a lot of pain. For days afterwards I was in intense pain and I think I bled quite a bit.
I felt relieved that I didn’t have to deal with it, and specially that I didn’t have to tell my mum and raise a child with a guy I didn’t love. I was also really upset, and when we split up and he told his new girlfriend that I’d had an abortion I was really angry. I didn’t think that he had the right to tell anyone. I felt like it was my body and my secret to keep. I didn’t view him as having anything to do with the baby. I kept imagining what our child would look like. I also counted the dates when our child would have been born and when it would have had its birthday. I dropped out of university shortly afterwards and although I never associated it with the abortion I think it probably did affect me.
For years afterwards I had a really ambiguous relationship with babies. I love children but I couldn’t be around a baby or a pregnant woman without crying. On one hand I felt really jealous that they got to keep their babies, and also ashamed. I would have had the baby if I had been older and if I hadn’t been scared of my family’s reaction.
I am sure it would have been really hard and I wouldn’t have done half of the things I have now. I travelled widely and went back to university and got a first class degree in the end. I regret having an abortion because I hate the idea of having killed my own child, but at the same time I am relieved and grateful that I had the chance to live out my own life.
I fully support a woman’s right to choose and safe and legal abortions. Abortions shouldn’t be taken lightly, because they can definitely have long lasting psychological and emotional effects. I think there needs to be more support for women that have abortions. I can’t speak about the UK because my abortion was in a different European country, but I definitely didn’t get much support there. Now I am married, although not very happily, and I would really love to have children but I don’t want to be a single mother. I just hope that one day I will get the chance to have a child with the man I love.
“The fear of being looked down upon for doing something that was legal and completely reasonable is what I find distressing. It’s mind-boggling that abortion is a national political issue when it is really about an individual
woman’s life course” Gail, 30, United States
I had my abortion in 2005 when I was about six weeks pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant I was devastated. Being pregnant was something I did not want at all and it made me feel completely out of control of my life. At the age of 20, I was going through some mental health problems and was taking a year off from college. I still wanted to get my life back on track and having a child would have ruined that. Although I knew I did not want a child the thought of an abortion did not immediately occur to me; I just felt trapped and frustrated. When my sister brought up the option of abortion, it immediately made me feel better and I knew that’s what I wanted.
The clinic advised a surgical procedure so that is what I opted for. The worst part was having the local anaesthetic administered to my cervix with a needle. The suctioning feeling from the vacuum tube was also a bit weird, but not significantly painful. After the suctioning was done, I noticed a nurse working across the room and I asked what she was doing. She told me she was confirming that the pregnancy tissue had been removed from my uterus. I asked her if I could look at it, and with a bit of hesitation, she told me I could. I went over and peered into a petri dish containing the pregnancy tissue – including the embryo and gestational sac. Honestly, my immediate reaction was that it looked like a loogie: it was a whitish, ragged-edged glob about the size of a quarter. Having seen what came out of my body gave me comfort and closure.
In the recovery room after the procedure, I remember feeling exceedingly happy to not be pregnant anymore. It felt like a huge burden had been lifted and I had regained control of my life. Since then, I’ve never regretted my decision to have an abortion. After my abortion, I went on to graduate at the top of my college class and to have a successful career which is what I wanted.
I can’t say that I haven’t wondered what my life would have been like had I decided otherwise or what my potential child would have been like. But those thoughts bring up feelings of dread that I would have resented my child for its whole life, or that the child would have had a terrible abnormality because I was drinking alcohol and smoking early in my pregnancy since I was not expecting or intending to be pregnant.
Ultimately, I feel grateful that I was in a situation where I could get an abortion like any other medical procedure. In my experience, I had family and friends to help with the logistics, I had good insurance that covered the cost of the procedure, and I lived in a community where quality women’s health services were readily available.
It is the thoughts of others’ judgements that bother me. Although I know I made the right decision for me, I feel like if it was publicly known that I’d had an abortion, people’s perception of me as a respected, hard-working professional would be negatively altered. The fear of being looked down upon for doing something that was legal and completely reasonable is what I find distressing.
If you are opposed to abortion, then you shouldn’t have an abortion or be coerced into doing so. But your personal opposition shouldn’t prevent others who are not opposed to abortion from having the option available and making use of that option if it’s right for them. It’s mind boggling that abortion is a national political issue when it is really about an individual woman’s life course.
“Without doubt it is one of the worst things I have been through but I would not have done it another way” Anonymous, 40, Wiltshire, UK
I have a very busy life with a high pressured job - I’m the breadwinner and already have three children of varying ages. Having another child would have put enormous strain on my family, our finances and ultimately my ability to cope. This would also have been completely unfair on a new born child. It would have been nearly impossible to meet everyone’s needs.
I had an initial meeting with a counsellor and then with a nurse. I received support from nursing staff during the procedure and afterwards. I also received immediate support from my family and partner.
The procedure was very quick. There was pain, but I had gas and air to relieve it. There were surprisingly few after-effects although I think my body was in shock. I lost some hair and had ridges in my nails which took a while to grow out.
Abortion is such an emotive issue and without doubt it is one of the worst things I have been through but I would not have done it another way. I am so glad I live in a country where I could access this for free through a healthcare system and without any prejudice on the part of the healthcare providers. I hope this always remains so in the UK.
“I am thankful every day for my rights as a woman. I don’t think that my rights as a woman and my reproductive choices are something that should be up for discussion” Kelly, 23, Virginia, United States
I was in an abusive relationship where my boyfriend spat on me, broke my things, hit me and tore me down emotionally. He called me fat every day and made me feel like I was very unattractive. I was isolated away from my friends and family because of him. I got my abortion and I high-tailed it out of town. I now have my bachelor’s degree and a good job.
During the procedure I began to wake up a little and a nurse ran her fingers through my hair and said “it’s okay, it’s almost over”. I will never forget the kindness of those people when I was going through the most helpless time in my life. I received healthy and safe medical care, comfort and respect from wonderful nurses and doctors who did not seem to judge me for the most part.
The abortion was painful, but since they allowed medication during the procedure I was able to sleep mostly. I was a little bit sad, but I told myself that I have plenty of eggs in my body and I can have a ton of babies when I’m ready. I am not ashamed of my choices, and if anyone were to judge me for my choice I wouldn’t care.
I know who I am, and I know why I made my personal choice. I don’t think that my rights as a woman and my reproductive choices are something that should be up for discussion. I am so sick of women being a target for this kind of political debate to gain votes from people who are too concerned with something that has nothing to do with them. I don’t think men especially should have any opinion at all. They can’t get pregnant, they have no idea what it’s like. It was my choice, and I don’t need to explain my decision to anyone.
“I was an emotional teenager dating an emotionally unstable teenager. I’m glad I was given the opportunity to become more than that” Lisa, 34, Gloucestershire, UK
My local GP referred me for the abortion. My mum more or less insisted I had one, it wasn’t a choice I could make by myself when I was 19. At the time I was angry that she was moving me to make a decision quickly but afterwards I was grateful.
An abortion at eight weeks was much easier than one later would have been. I took I think two pills and stayed in the hospital bed reading with my mum reading by my side. It was longer, more painful and more dramatic than I thought it would be. The amount of blood was unexpected. To be honest the nurses were not supportive at all. Without my mum I would have broken down as it wasn’t an easy procedure.
I felt empty and really sad. I was angry with the world. My boyfriend at the time was angry that it had happened. He had no say in it at all and wanted to keep the child. I was studying and I knew deep down at the time that my life would be fundamentally different if I didn’t have an abortion. I was ambitious and knew I wouldn’t manage to achieve what I wanted with a child.
Fifteen years later, I am glad I did it, and grateful I was given the option. I am grateful to my mum for helping me make that decision. It wasn’t an easy one, and it wasn’t easy for her. My career path has not been the one my 19-year-old self envisaged. Perhaps part of that was due to wanting to take life by the horns, take risks, not follow a set path. I’m so grateful I had the opportunity to travel, be irresponsible, be selfish a little.
And now I’m married and pregnant with my first child. I sometimes forget I was ever pregnant before. An abortion at eight weeks is not a child, it’s the potential for a child. At 19 I would not have provided the best life for that child especially with the partner I had then. I was an emotional teenager dating an emotionally unstable teenager. I’m glad I was given the opportunity to become more than that.